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  #638 - It's How They Get Away With It                                                 New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday
It's How They Get Away With It

 
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Monday, February 1, 2010

TODAY'S NEWS: I'm not making this stuff up (okay, maybe the bit about the email isn't true, but I'm sure there are cats that would run scams if they could type). I think the Slow Loris would make an excellent assassin. Not only can they suck the toxins from their elbow patches, mix it around in their mouths and deliver a poisonous bite, but they'd be nearly impossible to convict in court, as demonstrated by this hypothetical transcript:

Prosecutor: And we will show that this Slow Loris was paid to poison or strangle seventeen innocent sleeping victims!
Judge: What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Slow Loris?
[Slow Loris blinks drowsily.]
Judge: Oh, you're just so darn cute, I can't stay mad at you! Case dismissed!

Don't worry. I'm sure no Slow Loris will sneak up on you while you sleep. But you might want to lock your bedroom doors, just to be safe.

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Last Revised: February 1, 2010 © 2003-2009 Evan Nichols