Dear Dr. Eldritch,
I know a lot of people claim that the government is out to get them, but in my case, it's true. Unfortunately, it's the governmental agency I work for, part of the Department of Homeland Security. I don't want to say exactly which one or where, obviously!

It all started a couple weeks ago when I saw a friend's name pop up on the Watch List (you know, the list of people to be monitored because they've engaged in possible terrorist activity, like attending a peace rally, or checking out a questionable book from a library or criticizing the President). It really isn't part of my job, but I decided to investigate. As you probably know, we use the data from cable-television companies that logs what channels televisions are tuned to at what time, so we can track which shows people are watching and flag the subversive ones. In his area there's a cable-access show about current affairs in a Mid-Eastern country, and the list said he had watched it during the prior week. I called him to ask, and it turned out that he had entered the wrong channel number when setting his VCR, so he had accidentally taped that show. Well, two days later, I see MY NAME on the Watch List, because I called him!

Soon after, a gorgeous redhead flirts with me at the grocery store and invites me back to her place. She gives me a couple drinks, starts kissing me and asking questions about my job. I tell her my usual cover story, but she keeps going, like unbuttoning my shirt while asking if I have access to classified information. I had a bad feeling about it all, so I bolted. Back at work, I went through the personnel records (I'm not supposed to have access, but I have a friend who's a system admin), and I found an agent that looks just like her, except with blonde hair. Well, this agent "died" a year ago! I doubt our "chance" meeting was a coincidence.

I thought I might be under internal investigation, but when I looked at the Watch List again, my name was no longer there. What's odd is that it's also gone from the archived copies; it's like I never appeared there at all. This is totally against standard procedures, but I can't find any record of who made the change, or how. I told my supervisor I wasn't feeling well and left. When I got home, I could tell my house had been searched, but things were put back almost exactly where they had been. I tried to act normally, but left as soon as possible. Someone was following me, so I lost him, I think. Now I'm on the run until I can figure out what's going on. Is it possible that there's a sub-group inside the department that's operating outside the rules? If so, do you have any advice for figuring out who they are, and how high up this goes?

-- Nom de Carre, From an Undisclosed Location

Dear Nom,

Is there a Department of Homeland Security within the Department of Homeland Security? Of course! All intelligence agencies have these internal sub-groups of extremists who feel civil rights and due process are merely impediments to the success of their mission. You can complain to the top levels, but someone at the top is spearheading this faction. Unfortunately you've gotten their attention, which can only be a Bad Thing.

The first possibility is that they suspect you're a double-agent, and are trying to flush you out. When suspicion and paranoia are your business, eventually everyone looks like a traitor. Even though your only "crime" is a tenuous association with an event of dubious wrongfulness, it may be enough for the witch-hunters to pick up their torches of entrapment and pitchforks of false accusations and chase you through the dark woods of character assassination until they trap you in the burning windmill of spurious treason charges. You want to avoid this.

The second option is that they're trying to recruit you. They'll threaten to bring your "indiscretion" to light, unless you "cooperate". Or they'll try to win you over by appealing to your sense of duty. Sure, they'll give you a great speech about how they're the true patriots, and they break the laws because that's the only way they can successfully protect America. They usually mention making omelets and breaking eggs. Unfortunately, they'll use the same metaphor when they're about to terminate you, as if you'll say "You're right, eggs need to be broken, so go ahead and shoot me, I don't mind!" A basic rule for long-term employment: Don't work for people who will kill their own team members. And unless you have a treacherous streak you didn't mention, you're probably going to clash with their amoral "security at any price as long as I'm not the one who has to pay it" mentality. Even if you're tempted by Agent Redhead again, stay off the slippery slope.

Don't make the rookie mistake of going to one high-level director and telling just him or her of your suspicions. He'll say you shouldn't tell anyone else while he "looks into it," and suddenly you're officially an enemy of the state and being chased by throngs of agents, while he ties up the loose ends and quietly retires to a tropical island. Your best bet is to collect evidence of the internal illicit activity, gather as many senior officials as possible, and surprise them with what you've learned. This is still not without risk, but unless they're ALL in on it, any reprisal will strengthen your claims and the process of rooting out the miscreants won't just be your responsibility. Other than that, keep you head down, don't tell anyone where you're calling from, and trust no one who isn't Dr. Eldritch.

Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-- Dr. Eldritch