Dear Dr. Eldritch,
I'm a nanny, and I really like this family, but I don't know if they're the ones I should stay with. What should I do?

I've nannied for three different families during the last five years. I didn't click with the first two, but I feel really good about this one. I care for three children, two girls and a boy, for a wealthy couple, both real-estate lawyers; let's call them "Tom" and "Courtney." The kids are wonderful; they're well-behaved and seem to really like me. Tom is nice enough, reasonably attractive and friendly, but in a distracted, impersonal way. I get along great with Courtney. We talk all the time, and have had several "Girls Only" outings, where she's treated me to a day spa or makeover. I feel like there's the potential for this being a long-term thing, but how do I know if this is the right family for me to seduce the husband and eliminate the wife to usurp her role?

-- Chari in Meriden, Conneticut

Dear Chari,

It's always hard to know if any given relationship is "The One," isn't it? You worry whether the feelings are mutual, if it will last, or if the intended target will figure out what's happening before their mysterious fall from the cliff by the beach house. Imagine the tragedy of investing all the time, planning, and mayhem if you turn out to be incompatible and split up! No relationship is without problems, but you want the best chance of success with your new life.

I'm guessing you're still in your early twenties, and you have time. Don't rush into anything! Take a year or two, and strengthen your emotional connection. You're talking about a life-long relationship, so you want them to love you as much as you love them. It's a big mistake to commit because you're afraid of being alone, or because you're getting "too old to be single." And remember, a slow, calculated insinuation is more effective than a sudden hostile takeover.

If you don't find yourself drawn to being with Tom, but have a better connection with Courtney, consider switching sides and instigating a same-sex coup. Lesbian couples are very chic nowadays, and you can get discounts at many hotels, restaurants, and theme parks. Perhaps one night when Tom is working late, you tuck the kids in bed, invite Courtney to have a few drinks and see where things lead. If she rebuffs you, it will make the logical next step that much easier.

You do know that I'm not suggesting you do anything illegal, right? Personally, I'd prefer that we all live together in Peace and Harmony, but I'm enough of a realist to know that you're just doing what comes naturally to you. So listen to what your heart says. Can you see yourself as part of this family fifty years from now? It's okay to have some doubts, but if you feel certain they're the ones you want to be with more often than not, then let Nature take its course....

Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-- Dr. Eldritch